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About Duane Kuesel

Duane grew up on a farm near Elmwood, the U.F.O.capitol of Wisconsin, which may explain his slightly twisted views:

He suspects the world is flat. He thinks that common sense isn't all that common anymore. He is convinced that chasing livestock burns more calories than working out in the gym. He believes that sliced bread is over- rated.

 The saying under his senior picture in the yearbook states: " All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow."

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Several years ago we hosted the annual family reunion at our farm. We are still amazed at the variety of clowns and misfits who showed up, all claiming to be somehow related!

One of the contests we had was to guess the number of seeds in a jar. The day before the event, I had put a couple tablespoons of seed into a transparent jar. I guessed the amount to be around 2000 seeds. I then put a lable on the jar that requested everyone to guess how many brome grass seeds were in the bottle. I offered a nice door prize to the person who was closest to the true number of seeds. The guesses varied from 495 to over a million. After the guessing was done, I then gave the door prize to the person who had guessed 495. The reason the lowest guess won the prize, was because the real number of brome grass seeds in that jar was zero. The two tablespoons of seed that I had put in the jar was orchard grass seed!

April fool

Some years I have fun on April 1st, and other years I get in trouble. Being a member of our adult community choir, I often receive e-mail notices about practice times, concert dates etc. Because these messages are sent to the whole choir, I can simply hit "reply to all" and send everyone a message.


A few years ago, on April Fool's Day, I hit the "reply to all" button and sent this message: Attention all choir members,  The St Paul paper ran a story about our upcoming concert last week. Due to the high interest in this story, several bus loads of music lovers from the Twin Cities will be coming to our spring concert. In order to handle this large volume of people we are adding 3 more shows at 1:00, 3:00 and 6:00 p.m. on Sunday.


Because many members of the choir didn't pay any attention that the message had been sent by me, they believed it completely. Luckily for my choir director, she was out of town for a couple of days, but boy did she have a lot a concerned and confused phone messages to address when she returned home!


I had an uncle who was always optimistic. No matter how frigid the temperature was in the middle of winter, he would cheerfully proclaim "at least we don't have to shovel the cold". He was referring to the fact that farmers in his era did not have an easy way to move thick layers of snow. Therefore, snow was harder for them to deal with than cold weather.  I guess that you could also say that he was viewing the glass as being half full.


I tend to be more negative when it comes to winter weather in Wisconsin. I get a sour attitiude when the thermometer dips to 20 below zero. Because we have skid steers, snow blowers etc., removing snow is so much easier in today's world. If my uncle was still alive, I would tell him " we can push the snow out of the way, but we can't warm up the cold air." I certainly see the glass being half empty in January.

cars and trucks

Unlike normal guys, I have never been very interested in vehicles. I can't remember motor sizes and horsepower, because my mind is already cluttered with things like my social security number, address, checkbook balance, etc.. If you ask me about a vehicle that I own, I can usually remember if it is 2 wheel or 4 wheel drive, and diesel or gas, but that is about it.

The other day a friend (who is a true motorhead), asked me what kind on engine I have in my pickup. I glanced over my shoulder at my truck, then looked at the ground for a few moments, and finally  stared into my friends eyes and proclaimed with a great deal of confidence "its the kind of engine that has a loud noise and makes the wheels go round and round".  I'll bet he never asks me anymore questions like that!

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