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About Duane Kuesel

Duane grew up on a farm near Elmwood, the U.F.O.capitol of Wisconsin, which may explain his slightly twisted views:

He suspects the world is flat. He thinks that common sense isn't all that common anymore. He is convinced that chasing livestock burns more calories than working out in the gym. He believes that sliced bread is over- rated.

 The saying under his senior picture in the yearbook states: " All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow."

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auction madness

I sure miss the on farm auctions that were so common a few years ago. I would often bring home a pail or two of rusty bent nails. My logic was that I would some day place these items on my own auction. Therefore, I reasoned that if I bought a pail of old nails for $1, and sold them a few years later at my auction for a $1.50, I would realize a nice profit.

The problem with my scheme, was that my wife did not share the same vision. Before I knew it, she was monitoring the valuable items that I was bringing home. Although she was rather patient with me, she did become a little tempermental the day that I brought home 9 bowling balls. Maybe the reason for her sour mood was because nobody in our family ever bowled!

In the end, everything worked out just fine. I found a creative use for those bowling balls, and actually had to buy some more, just to fill my orders. However, with the online auctions of today, my wife is constantly checking on me, and I now have to get approval BEFORE I bid on any items.

sex ed

 Any time a new calf is born on a dairy farm, it is a wonderful event. Whenever I happened to see a newborn, one of the first things that I would do is look underneath the calf to see if it was a heifer or a bull. Because baby heifer calves are the future of any herd, often times, after checking the sex of a calf, I would exclaim out loud "yea, it's a girl"!

One time my 4 year old daughter observed me looking at a newborn calf. After hearing me proclaim that it was a female, she inquired as to how I could tell it was a girl. Not wanting to get into an awkward discussion about the birds and the bees, I casually stated that I could tell it was a heifer because of the long eyelashes. That answer seemed to satisfy my daughter, as she didn't ask any more questions.

Apparently my explanation was even more convincing than I realized, because many years later, my daughter admitted that she was well into her teenage years before she understood that you cannot determine the sex of a calf by the length of it's eyelashes!

smart people

I am of the opinion that smart people don't need spel check.


Several years ago we hosted the annual family reunion at our farm. We are still amazed at the variety of clowns and misfits who showed up, all claiming to be somehow related!

One of the contests we had was to guess the number of seeds in a jar. The day before the event, I had put a couple tablespoons of seed into a transparent jar. I guessed the amount to be around 2000 seeds. I then put a lable on the jar that requested everyone to guess how many brome grass seeds were in the bottle. I offered a nice door prize to the person who was closest to the true number of seeds. The guesses varied from 495 to over a million. After the guessing was done, I then gave the door prize to the person who had guessed 495. The reason the lowest guess won the prize, was because the real number of brome grass seeds in that jar was zero. The two tablespoons of seed that I had put in the jar was orchard grass seed!

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