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About Duane Kuesel

Duane grew up on a farm near Elmwood, the U.F.O.capitol of Wisconsin, which may explain his slightly twisted views:

He suspects the world is flat. He thinks that common sense isn't all that common anymore. He is convinced that chasing livestock burns more calories than working out in the gym. He believes that sliced bread is over- rated.

 The saying under his senior picture in the yearbook states: " All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow."

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sex ed

 Any time a new calf is born on a dairy farm, it is a wonderful event. Whenever I happened to see a newborn, one of the first things that I would do is look underneath the calf to see if it was a heifer or a bull. Because baby heifer calves are the future of any herd, often times, after checking the sex of a calf, I would exclaim out loud "yea, it's a girl"!

One time my 4 year old daughter observed me looking at a newborn calf. After hearing me proclaim that it was a female, she inquired as to how I could tell it was a girl. Not wanting to get into an awkward discussion about the birds and the bees, I casually stated that I could tell it was a heifer because of the long eyelashes. That answer seemed to satisfy my daughter, as she didn't ask any more questions.

Apparently my explanation was even more convincing than I realized, because many years later, my daughter admitted that she was well into her teenage years before she understood that you cannot determine the sex of a calf by the length of it's eyelashes!

smart people

I am of the opinion that smart people don't need spel check.


Several years ago we hosted the annual family reunion at our farm. We are still amazed at the variety of clowns and misfits who showed up, all claiming to be somehow related!

One of the contests we had was to guess the number of seeds in a jar. The day before the event, I had put a couple tablespoons of seed into a transparent jar. I guessed the amount to be around 2000 seeds. I then put a lable on the jar that requested everyone to guess how many brome grass seeds were in the bottle. I offered a nice door prize to the person who was closest to the true number of seeds. The guesses varied from 495 to over a million. After the guessing was done, I then gave the door prize to the person who had guessed 495. The reason the lowest guess won the prize, was because the real number of brome grass seeds in that jar was zero. The two tablespoons of seed that I had put in the jar was orchard grass seed!

April fool

Some years I have fun on April 1st, and other years I get in trouble. Being a member of our adult community choir, I often receive e-mail notices about practice times, concert dates etc. Because these messages are sent to the whole choir, I can simply hit "reply to all" and send everyone a message.


A few years ago, on April Fool's Day, I hit the "reply to all" button and sent this message: Attention all choir members,  The St Paul paper ran a story about our upcoming concert last week. Due to the high interest in this story, several bus loads of music lovers from the Twin Cities will be coming to our spring concert. In order to handle this large volume of people we are adding 3 more shows at 1:00, 3:00 and 6:00 p.m. on Sunday.


Because many members of the choir didn't pay any attention that the message had been sent by me, they believed it completely. Luckily for my choir director, she was out of town for a couple of days, but boy did she have a lot a concerned and confused phone messages to address when she returned home!

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